remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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