just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
