saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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