It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
