shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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