we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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