Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
