508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
