Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
