we have officially lost it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
