I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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