Screwed.edu
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
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