It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
