so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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