69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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