I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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