I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
