think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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