im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
