Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Say something about gay babies.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
