so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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