Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
