you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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