Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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