nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
