i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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