Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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