I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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