help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
