So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
