Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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