He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Success! We fucked roommates!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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