he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
