i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
