I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
