I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You ruined the universe
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
