You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
