just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
