Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
