so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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