Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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