Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
