I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
