Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
