Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
