Do you still have your period?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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