first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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