Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
