Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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