he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
