I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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